This story is part of our ongoing “First Steps” series, where we share extraordinary stories of men who transformed their bodies, minds, and lives with a focus on the first steps it took them to get there (because, after all, nothing can change without a first step!). Read all of the stories here.
Below, rapper, songwriter, and author Russ, 32, discusses the first steps he took to gain control of his mental health, and how it helped him write his best-selling album, Santiago, and second book, It Was You All Along.
MY INTRODUCTION TO therapy was couples therapy. When you get into a relationship all of your insecurities, triggers, and childhood trauma come up to the surface. If you’re with the person long enough and there’s enough depth there, oftentimes they are like a mirror for you. I didn’t like how quickly I’d get condescending and operate from an emotionally defensive place.
At first I was like, “Couples therapy? That’s for people who are on year 20 of their marriage and this is their last resort. If we need couples therapy, we shouldn’t even be in a relationship.” But I didn’t want to lose the relationship. So, in 2021, I said, “Why not try?” It opened the door to me being receptive to therapy—talking with someone, looking at myself, being honest with myself, and having the humility to be wrong. In a beautiful, romantic way, love was my introduction to therapy and inner work.
But couples therapy focuses on the relationship. It doesn’t do much of a deep dive into your past. So when I got with my therapist in 2022, I started really peeling back the layers and getting down to the nitty-gritty. It’s a different beast.
That same year, we lost my childhood dog that was with me when I was in high school and every house my family lived in in Georgia. Her death affected me more than I deemed normal. My nervous system went completely out of whack. Starting therapy helped me understand why it affected me so much. I went through my twenties and got all this success, things happened so fast, and I became the caretaker for my whole family. There was no goodbye to being the son and brother. I was the head of the family and there was no segue. I never stopped to assess how that felt. Losing our dog felt like I was losing that entire part of my childhood for good and I couldn’t quite figure out how to deal with it by myself.
I realized I needed professional help. I reached out to Dr. Nicole LePera who’s just so great and smart. She connected me with someone whose focal point is talking to successful men. That was always a concern of mine: that my therapist wouldn’t understand what I was going through when it came to fame. It’s been really helpful to have someone who understands. He’s such a great fit.
First Up: Finding Awareness, Humility, Hope, and Empathy
STEP ONE IN controlling my mental health was learning how to just take a breather instead of reacting immediately. This allowed for me to have the awareness to be an observer of my own freak-outs. When I can just have that brief two-second conversation with myself, then I can have a more calm, articulate conversation with whoever I’m interacting with. Then I can communicate to people what it is I really need. It sounds so simple, but it really has changed everything.
The immediate impact therapy had on me was [finding] humility and hope. I instantly realized I didn’t have it all figured out, and that was okay. I had prided myself on having life figured out and had even written a book on it. You’re not supposed to have it all figured out. No one does. Every session we did was so eye-opening and I’d feel more aware than I did the previous day.
The long-lasting effect has been empathy. That is something I’ve struggled with a lot. I have never really been empathetic towards myself, so it made it hard to be empathetic towards other people. I always felt like nobody cared about what I was going through. Having somebody who cares about what I’m going through, and then learning that I need to care about what I’m going through, has made me a better person. I can now empathize when somebody’s not being the best version of themselves. I’m not so quick to shame and judge them because I get that they’re just going through it, like I have.
Therapy and Manhood
MY BROTHER FRANK is a certified personal trainer and nutritionist, so he’s my trainer and my chef. Being around him was huge for me. Outside of him being my brother, having somebody who is super healthy and on their stuff helped me see that it’s tangible. At the beginning of 2022, when I was fed up with myself, I finally decided to lock in. I tracked all my food, drank a gallon of water a day, cut out alcohol, and worked out every day with Frank. I lost 30 pounds of fat in six months. From a physical standpoint, I was in the best shape of my life, but I still felt depressed—emotionally and spiritually.
That’s when I knew that whole, “Oh, you’re depressed? All you gotta do is go to the gym,” mentality was bullsh*t.
You can’t lift weights to erase the memory of your parents screaming when you were four years old. For many men, seeking therapy can feel like a threat to their masculinity. I used to believe that if you needed therapy, you were weak. However, once I started therapy and did the work, my perspective on manhood changed.
My therapist once told me that society judges men based on how much they can handle on their own. Challenging this notion while in therapy can be difficult, but it allows you to learn more about yourself and how to improve as a man.
Men often feel isolated, but it doesn’t have to be that way. We need more community and mentors to guide us. I am now focused on building a network of men who can support each other and have meaningful conversations.
Therapy inspired my book and album, “It Was You All Along,” which delves into self-regulation and setting boundaries. Music helps me express my thoughts, but therapy is where I do the real work. Through therapy exercises, I have found healing and growth.
I am still on a journey of self-discovery and growth. Trusting in the unknown and embracing a new version of myself is a daily challenge. It’s okay not to have all the answers, but by continuing to work on myself, I am evolving into a better man. My upcoming album is all about stepping into the unknown and embracing it with humility, optimism, and faith. I understand that there will be ups and downs along the way, but I don’t need to always think the worst. It’s just part of the journey, and I truly believe that everything will work out in the end.
