Nail polish advertisements have always painted a picture of perfection in my mind. The models always have small, slender hands with long, rounded nails. Even though their faces and bodies are often not fully visible, my brain automatically fills in the gaps with images of thin, white women with flawless figures. It’s like I’ve been trained to desire a body like theirs without even realizing it. It’s that internalized fatphobia creeping in again.
Sure, it’s natural to be drawn to rounded shapes and long, slender lines. Wanting to have nice-looking hands or nails doesn’t necessarily mean you have internal fatphobia, but for me, it’s been a different story. I can project my fear of being perceived as fat onto every aspect of myself without even being aware of it. I’ve come to realize that this fear has influenced my choices, even down to the shape of my nails.
I remember my high school prom, where I opted for square nails because I believed they made my hands look thinner. I even avoid wearing rings on my hands because I don’t think they look thin enough. Despite my journey towards self-acceptance, there’s still a part of me that longs to be thin, thanks to societal conditioning. The fear of being judged for my appearance is a powerful motivator.
Recently, I’ve started to question these motivations. I haven’t completely abandoned long nails, but I no longer feel the need to go to extremes to maintain them. Instead, I’ve been opting for more temporary alternatives like short press-ons. The anxieties that used to drive me to fuss over my nails have started to diminish.
Having big, sturdy hands and fingers actually has its perks. I excelled in sports during my teen years, thanks to my strong grip. I can easily carry multiple items in one hand, and I even have a party trick that never fails to impress. When I hold hands with my boyfriend, it feels perfectly balanced because our hands are the same size. I’ve come to appreciate the unique qualities of my hands and no longer feel the need for them to conform to a certain standard of beauty.
In the end, it’s all about embracing our individuality and finding peace with who we are, flaws and all.
